I’m
beginning to see You now
Above this
wretchedness I’ve called loss
And I
realize that I’ve been seeing You all along,
All along
this long HARD journey.
Immovable it’s
been…like trying to push on a mountain.
I sweat, I get frustrated, my muscles feel numb and useless.
But You’ve
been with me,
Feeling it
with me.
You didn’t
exit when my agony pushed others away.
No. You took my pain as Your own and showed me kindnesses
multiplied.
You held my family
together for me, kept our sanity intact.
You fought
for us every step of the way.
It’s been so
long…and such a short time…
Six years
since my son went from my arms to Yours.
It’s taken
some time to escape the dreams, irrational…
nightmares…
that You’d
give him back to me.
My memories
haunt me, the good ones and the bad.
I often
still feel choked by the realization that I can’t see him anymore, but I’m
beginning to realize that I can see You.
And I am
thankful…
For You
For my son
For You and
my son in Heaven now
Together.
I sit back
and imagine.
He
understands it all now.
Better than
I.
He’s lived
true worship.
Without any
ounce of sin or its effects.
He knows
true joy.
He’s happy.
You make him
that way.
You alone
are worthy of praise.
He’s
praising You.
He sees.
He
understands.
He gets it.
Thank You.
You are so kind to me.
WOW! Thank you again for sharing so beautifully your walk with us. Last Sunday our pastor preached on Suffering and Loss (we're working through Emotionally Healthy Spirituality) and he pointed us to Job, Jeremiah, and Jesus as examples of people who were bereaved, anguished, deeply troubled and who were simultaneously faithful men. The point being the reality of what sin costs us here and of Who God is and what He can handle. He isn't threatened or thwarted by our pain, fear, anger, questioning, despair. He continues to be infinitely faithful, just as you know Him to be and describe Him so wonderfully.
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