This Morning's Prayer

I close my eyes and breathe You in…clean, nourishing, hopeful.

I listen for the warmth of Your voice, yearning to hear that familiar and strong and sure guidance for my moments continuing.

No one but You knows me---full of inabilities, weaknesses, helplessness. You know how much I need You.  Do I?

I try to remember who I really am…not who I try to be, not who I pretend I am.  Without all the glitz and glamour of my decorated life, I am left with a heart inclined toward evil, wretchedness, dark hopelessness.

Could that really be me? 

Could I be the insecure woman who speaks harsh words about others just to make myself feel better?  Am I the mother who allows perversion into my home simply because my body is tired and I cannot stand the thought of jumping from my activity of the moment to turn off the TV?

Idol worshipper, sayer of the Lord’s name in vain, Sabbath-breaker, disobeyer of parents, murderer, fornicator/adulterer, thief, liar, coveter 

This is who I am, bare, with nothing to cover my grossness. I can do nothing to hide my hideous nature.

But You have clothed me; You have covered my horrid, sinful being.  You have changed me from loathsome to delightful.  My delight is found in You. 

I no longer wear the rags of wickedness.  My body no longer oozes from the evil infection of self-worship. 

I am new.

I breathe You in and remember my joy, You.  My delight, my strength, my song.  I go through the motions of repetition, my heart surging from Your protective leadership. 

You draw me close and reveal to me all things beautiful. 

I sing Your praises, lifting my voice out of the great swell of emotion that Your marvelous existence brings me.  I am awe-struck. 

Tears pour out from these windows to my soul and yet laughter bubbles from my chest. 

You love me and I know it.

You have chosen me as Your own.

I am humbled.  I am thankful.

“O LORD, You have searched me and known me.  You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off.  You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.  For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.  You have hedged me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.”  Psalm 139:1-6”